To Speak....Or Not to Speak

[Tigger_the_Wing]

AG, I wonder if you could get one of those communication aids? You might not need it all the time, but just knowing it is available for when speech fails you might help delay the speech failure by reducing stress…

As for me, thank you everyone for your concern! It might have been a sort of mini-stroke (temporary stroke or TIA) caused by a spasm in an artery in my brain. I get spasms in other arteries (that is what causes my angina). Yes, Hyke, it probably is linked to migraines. And I was aware that something was not quite right - but how often do we actually listen to what we are saying? I'm usually thinking about what I'm about to say next and leaving my mouth on auto-pilot to produce my last thought. Hmmm… that could explain a lot!

My 'funny turns' can be triggered by all kinds of medication or by heat; being prescribed a new drug in summer was, I suppose, just inevitably going to lead to problems.

[doctorboy]

Hugs for Tigger and gentle hugs for AG.

I found this today, which seemed appropriate:

I've started seeing a speech therapist who is teaching me to meet people properly and make small talk. She is having me practice grinning (smile without showing teeth) when I meet people. It feels awkward and fake, but people tell me it makes them feel better.

She is also teaching me to make small talk after the meeting. She says I need to get better at asking on-topic questions. Example: she told me that she went shopping for Hanukkah presents for her children, and I said (feigning interest) "Oh." <grin> She said I should have asked her what she bought.

I find it really hard to quickly come up with a relevant question, and I resent doing it. But, she says people will be nicer to me and I might make some friends if I do what she says, so I keep going.

[Chosen]

doctorboy...Hi it's good to see you here

I've started seeing a speech therapist who is teaching me to meet people properly and make small talk. She is having me practice grinning (smile without showing teeth) when I meet people. It feels awkward and fake, but people tell me it makes them feel better.

It makes others feel better? But it makes you feel awkward and fake, that is not a good thing.

She is also teaching me to make small talk after the meeting. She says I need to get better at asking on-topic questions. Example: she told me that she went shopping for Hanukkah presents for her children, and I said (feigning interest) "Oh." <grin> She said I should have asked her what she bought.

doctorboy your "Oh" <grin>... is exactly what I would have said. I would have never thought to ask her what she bought. It sounds nosey. To me it is none of my business what she bought..What makes this such an important question?

I find it really hard to quickly come up with a relevant question, >>>and I resent doing it.<<< But, she says people will be nicer to me and I might make some friends if I do what she says, so I keep going.

People will be nicer... if I act not aspie...

[Tigger_the_Wing]

Hmmm…

I never had speech therapy; my ability to engage in small talk was honed by ten years of driving a taxi.

No eye-contact expected (it was OK that I kept my eyes on the road!) so I could concentrate on what my passengers were saying and how they were saying it. I could safely evesdrop on all kinds of conversations too.

I learnt how much curiosity is a polite level and how much is intrusive; but I never learnt how to paste a fake smile on my face.

[aliengirl]

AG, I wonder if you could get one of those communication aids? You might not need it all the time, but just knowing it is available for when speech fails you might help delay the speech failure by reducing stress…

Thanks Tigger, I was thinking of something like that. I looked at the more technologically fancy devices but they are very pricey and to be honest my laptop works just as well as I managed to find some free text-to-speech software.

Stuff does get stolen at the hospital sadly (and also frankly, I think typing might be a bit beyond me when I'm coming round from general anaesthetic) so the bf and I have decided to make some picture cards. Hopefully that will help. I'm going to make specific ones like "I feel dizzy" but also general ones like "ok", "good", "very good", "bad", "very bad" etc. and hopefully that should cover my needs.

As for me, thank you everyone for your concern! It might have been a sort of mini-stroke (temporary stroke or TIA) caused by a spasm in an artery in my brain. I get spasms in other arteries (that is what causes my angina). Yes, Hyke, it probably is linked to migraines. And I was aware that something was not quite right - but how often do we actually listen to what we are saying? I'm usually thinking about what I'm about to say next and leaving my mouth on auto-pilot to produce my last thought. Hmmm… that could explain a lot!

My 'funny turns' can be triggered by all kinds of medication or by heat; being prescribed a new drug in summer was, I suppose, just inevitably going to lead to problems.

Yes, heat and meds change aren't a great combination really! Anyway, I'm glad you're okay and that whatever happened seems to have resolved itself!


Doctorboy - I saw a speech therapist too in the past (although in my case it was more around the fact that I have difficulties producing speech) and she also is a drama teacher so taught me to understand and use facial expression and body language a little. She was very good in that the emphasis was on helping me to understand what other people where 'communicating' to me that I struggled to decipher. She also didn't change what I said, just helped me with the forming and production of words which is what was problematic for me.

The main thing is that she didn't try to change me or suggest that I should change to be liked more or have more friends etc. and I really respect her for that. I went to her for help with specific issues and she helped me with those and has also helped others in the area who are on the autistic spectrum and who have similar communication issues.

I totally respect you for seeking out whatever you think will help you and for being pro-active in this way.
I really hope you get what you want and need from it.

I'm just a tiny bit concerned that the therapist might be putting the main onus on you to change what you are doing to be more liked, and actually communication is always a two way process.

It shouldn't be all your responsibility and the idea that if you don't do x and y then it's to be expected that people won't feel as comfortable or want to be your friend is one that I find a bit concerning. Other people need to meet you (or anyone else) half way.

I don't mean any disrespect to your speech therapist in any way - she may well be taking all of this stuff into account already and obviously she is a trained professional. I guess I just want to make sure you're okay and that you don't end up feeling like all the responsibility is on you.

Apologies if I'm just worrying to much about nothing though!

[Chosen]

AG I really like the way you word things..